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100 Qs for God: How do you become God?

December 11, 2012

This is Question 1 from the “100 Questions for (my) God” series.

How do you become God?

Before we can have any decent discussion of God’s existence, looks or preferred football team, it’s essential to understand what qualifies someone/something to be God. While it’s probably not a role you fill out a job application for, it might be worth considering the basic requirements.

Prior to delving into this in more detail, it’s always important to start at the wellspring of all-important cultural perspective – Hollywood. If this knowledge distillery is to be believed, primitive tribes will appoint you their God if:

a)                 You have a “fire stick” that goes “bang bang”
b)                Can hide the sun if the tribe is disbelieving
c)                 You have a couple of cool magic tricks
d)                Someone important in the tribe believes your arrival has been prophesized

Breaking this down into its smallest parts, you have to be smarter or more technologically advanced, more powerful (or perceived as such), be able to perform “miracles” and have the power of myth on your side.

Although I don’t consider myself part of a primitive tribe, some of these elements do seem to resonate with the job criteria. However, I’m relatively confident if aliens landed tomorrow:

1)                 I’d regard them as aliens.
2)                 Some group of humans would regard them as Gods.

This vaguely pessimistic perspective on human nature cuts to the core of the search for God – God isn’t God because some humans perceive this to be the case. To truly qualify for the job you have to be able to show the skills, experience and aptitude for the role.

So what is the difference between an advanced life form and God arriving on the planet?

a)                 Different luggage?
b)                Attitude?
c)                 More people being smited than usual?

Luggage is probably not the key differentiator. However, it would get more interesting  if the visitor claimed to be God, and less so if it was smiting people left, right and center – particularly if I were one of the smited.

This brings me to the essence of my God. I’m not even going to open the floor to discussion for the first three prerequisites:

1)                 Integrity
2)                 Intellect
3)                 Indestructibility

Many of you may be shaking your head in silent disbelief – I hear you (pun intended, but only after some deep reflection). However, we’ll discuss some other criteria like omnipotence, omnipresence, creating the universe, and a predisposition for footbaths later in this wealth of contemplation.

As mentioned earlier, my use of the 3I Index (Integrity, Intellect, Indestructibility – patent/copyright pending) to qualify my God in no way increases the likelihood of me being right, God existing, or me winning the lottery. However, here’s my reasoning:

Integrity – originally it was “Goodness” but it didn’t start with “I” and seemed a little pathetic. Integrity has, well,… integrity. If you’re a devil worshipper or megalomaniac you may feel integrity is highly over-rated. I do not. Even if God met all of the other potential criteria (yours or mine) I simply couldn’t respect a God who was a fan of dishonesty, murder, rape, theft or the kid who stole my favorite teddy bear in fifth grade.

My God has integrity.

My God believes living a good life has intrinsic value. If my God were in charge it would be a little disappointed in the intolerance of many of God’s supporters – I’d like to believe God can recognize goodness and integrity regardless of its source. In addition, my God would have reverence for questions, questioning and the pursuit of one’s own personal connection to their God.

Intellect – originally it was “Knowledge” but it didn’t start with “I” and seemed a little inadequate. Intellect implies the ability to apply the knowledge available. It’s not much use if you know everything but can’t apply it to anything or perceive its value. Let’s face it, if God is having trouble pulling a few syllables together, it’s highly unlikely the universe is going to be functioning without a hitch.

Having intellect is one thing, magnitude is another – when it comes to my God’s intellect there are two major pre-requisites:

a)                God has to be smarter than me.
b)                God has to be smarter than everyone else.

People who know me may argue that I feel these two items can be distilled to “God has to be smarter than me.” This is irrelevant. If God isn’t the intellectual leader in the universe, several things become apparent:

1)                 God’s current job performance seems commendable.
2)                 There may be other candidates available to fill the role.
3)                 The whole place could implode upon itself at any moment
(and where’s the scientific evidence for that?)

Between integrity and intellect, this suggests my God has access to all the knowledge in the universe and can apply this in a just and constructive manner.

Indestructibility – Fortunately, both of the words I considered, indestructibility and imperviousness, started with “I” so there wasn’t much need for debate or contemplation. Both words sort of imply another “I” word – immortal. Regardless, if God’s going to “cut the mustard” there really can’t be much potential for a takedown. Whatever form God ultimately takes, it can’t be one where sheer force, cunning or kryptonite can result in defeat. It’s sort of tough to argue you’re all-powerful if you can be beaten.

As we wander through the questions we’ve summoned for God, we’ll definitely find additional characteristics attributable to God. However, the three “Ins” for being God are essential to any self-respecting deity.


You can’t be my God unless you have integrity, intellect and indestructibility. Whether this is the case for your God is for you to work out. However, given the carefully researched  statistics in the table below (OK, I made these figures up), you may want to consider these factors as possibilities.

Godly Job Requirements Probability this is true for me Probability this true for everyone else
Integrity 100% 69.38%
Intellect 100% 83.26%
Indestructibility 100% 92.71%

To suggest these characteristics complete the list would be selling God short. However, if you can’t show all three prerequisites on your resume, you’re not my God.


Buy a copy of 100 ?’s for God HERE

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